(as delivered on 16 Aug. 2015 at Hsuanceng's memorial service)
For our family, life has been like a surreal movie for the past two
weeks.
There were times when I couldn’t help but think that Hsuancheng hadn’t
actually gone, that it was just another mischievous act of his hide-and-seek. The
only difference this time is that he’s gone too far, to a place that we cannot
go, not yet.
After his departure, my heart was like being hollowed out, with a
hole, too dark and too deep to be filled. Then, thoughts and prayers from our
extended family members in Taiwan; the meticulous care and thoughtful
assistance from local IofC friends in Cambodia; condolences from IofC friends
across the world; and the miraculous helping hands that had come to save us
from drowning in the complexity of processing documents with related government
agencies in the wake of the of this tragedy on a foreign land that does not recognize
Taiwan. All these have sustained us as we felt our way ahead, one step at a
time, in dark grief. We managed to complete the task that many had thought to
be impossible, or at least not in such a short time: bringing him home.
The constant flow of love, care, and assistance we’ve received was
just like s stream of living water that has comforted our broken hearts and
consoled our wounded souls in times of unspeakable sorrow.
Gradually, I found my tears flowed not just from the
agony of losing my son in an alien country, but also from the gratitude for the
thoughts and prayers that had graced us. On behalf of Hsuancheng and the rest
of my family, I offer our utmost gratitude to you all.
Each and every child in this world is unique, and to us Hsuancheng
is truly special.
He expresses himself in his own ways, genuine and spontaneous. He
smiles like the Sun and cries like a thunder storm. His temper is sometimes
volcanic, but his love for others is pure, straightforward and heart-warming.
His is full of curiosity about the world and but has no fear of trusting
people.
His time was us was short but nevertheless substantive. He has left
his footprints in Australia, Japan, Malaysia, Indonesia, Korea, Switzerland, the
Philippines and Cambodia, making friends across ages, races, cultures,
languages and nationalities. He is the ambassador of our family, who would
reach out to people he has met for the first time like a friend.
The opening session of the 21st APYC on the evening of
August 1, 2015, saw his swansong performance on this planet. While adults were speaking
or singing, he stole their thunder by collecting the Jasmine flowers strewn on
the floor by the gracious Apsara dancers and sprinkling them high up into the
air.
The next day, during the 4-hour drive from Phnom Penh to the conference
venue in Shihanouk Ville, Hsuancheng was sound asleep in my arms like a kitten.
In the afternoon of that day, he was beaming with similes in the swimming pool
with his sister. Then suddenly, the motion picture of his life froze…
The life of a child comes from his parents but he does not belong to
them. Hsuancheng has always been a strong, engaging child. More than anything
else, he is intuitive and assertive, and time and again he has reminded us of
those traits in his own ways. And this time he chose to bow out of life in rainy
Cambodia.
After the accident, we rushed back to Phnom Penh by Ambulance in the
night. Next morning, the rain stopped and the sky cleared up. Weichun said
amusingly that perhaps up there in heaven Hsuancheng’s arrival was such a joy
that they forgot to rain. It did sound like what Hsuancheng would do. After
all, he has always been the life of the party.
Now he’s left the party, leaving us in grave pain from missing this
little tiger.
Our love for him was once like the string flying the kite. Now that the
string is snapped, it must be transcended into a wind beneath his wings. Or, like
the bow for the arrow, our love for him has to transform into a blessing, strong
and steady that helps him travel swiftly on his onward journey.
Hsuancheng was born in the year of the tiger, and he had been as
smart and mischievous as a little cub can be. Now he has bounced off this world
without a trace, before we could imagine what he would have been like as a big
cat.
As a father missing his son so dearly, I’d like to think that
Hsuancheng has been awarded and advance graduation from the school of life
after he had loved and been loved so abundantly in this world; that he has left
in peace, and now I should be at peace to let him go. I’d like to imagine he has
met his grandpa, who he has yet to meet, up there in heaven. I’d rather believe
that he has never really left us, and that he is always there in the hearts of
our family, in the fond memories of many, many good friends that he has been
fortunate to meet, from Taiwan and all over the world, during his short but
memorable time with us.
Hsuancheng’s journey on this planet has come to a swift end. For the
rest of us, our respective journeys are to be continued. May your onward
journey be blessed with faith, hope, and love.
過去二週對我們一家來說項是一場超現實的電影。
有時我不禁會想，軒誠並沒有真的走了，這只是他另一次淘氣的捉迷藏。只是這次他躲得太遠，去了一個我們到不了的地方，至少現在還不行。在他走後，我的心像是被掏了一個洞、又深又暗，怎麼也填不滿。後來，來自台灣家人和友人的關懷祝福；柬埔寨道整友人無微不至的照顧和體貼周全的支持；來自全球道整友人的代禱及撫慰信息；以及幾次奇蹟般的援手，讓我們身處不承認台灣的異國，得免溺斃在接洽相關單位申請文件紛亂雜沓的困頓之海。這些助力支撐著我們，在暗黑哀悼中，一次一步、摸索面前的路。我們總算完成許多人覺得不可能的任務，或至不可能這麼快辦到：帶他回家。
在無言可喻的哀傷時刻，我們持續接收到的愛、關心和支持，就像一道生命活水，安慰破碎的心、撫平傷痛的靈。
漸漸地，我發現我流的淚不只是因為異鄉喪子的悲痛，也是因為所蒙受的關懷與祝福。代表軒誠和我們家人，謹向大家獻上至高的謝忱。
世上的每個孩子都是獨一無二的，對我們來說軒誠真是很特別的孩子。他有自己的表達方式，誠懇真摯而自然流露。笑的時候像太陽、哭得時候像暴雨。他的脾氣有時像火山爆發，但是對人的愛卻是純粹、直白而窩心。
他對世界充滿好奇，而且不怕信任別人。他的一生太短，但也相當充實。他去過澳洲、日本、馬來西亞、印尼、韓國、瑞士、菲律賓、柬埔寨，接交的朋友來自各個年齡、種族、文化、語言、國籍。他是我們的家庭大使，總是像對待朋友般主動迎接剛認識的人。
2015年8月1日晚上的第21屆亞太青年會議開幕式，是他告別世界的最後一次舞台。大人們在致詞或唱歌時，他自在地檢拾起之前天女散花舞者灑落舞台的片片花瓣，一次又一次地灑向空中，搶了大人的風頭。
隔天，在金邊前往施哈奴省會議場地的四小時車程中，軒誠小貓似的窩在我懷裡熟睡。當天下午，他和姐姐站在兒童泳池裡，笑容燦爛如陽光。接著，他的人生影片驟然停格...
孩子的生命來自父母，但是不屬於父母。軒誠向來是一個有活力、親近人的孩子。最主要的是，他很憑直覺、很有主見，而且一再用自己的方式提醒我們這些特質。這一次，他選擇了在柬埔寨的下雨天告別人生。事件發生後，我們搭救護車連夜趕回金邊。隔天一早，雨停了，天空放晴。惟淳說也許是因為天堂有了軒誠太高興，忘了下雨。聽起來像是軒誠會做的事。畢竟，他向來是眾人聚會時的開心果。
如今他離開人間的聚會，留我們於深痛哀思裡。我們對他的愛原本像是拉著風箏飛上天的那條線。如今，線斷了，我們的愛必須轉化成為他翼下的風。又或者，就像是弓與箭，我們對他的愛必須轉化成為一股祝福的風、堅強而穩定地支持他悠然飛往下一個旅程。
軒誠出生在虎年，像小老虎一般聰明頑皮。現在他一蹦跳離人間、不留痕跡，我們還來不及想像他長成大老虎會是什麼模樣。身為思念兒子的父親，我寧願相信軒誠在這一世所付出和得到的愛是如此豐盈，所以他獲得獎勵，從人生學校中提前畢業；他是安心地走了，所以現在我應該放心地讓他走。我想像，他會與沒見過面的爺爺再天堂相認。我相信他並未真的離開，他永遠活在我們家人心中，活在短暫而值得的一生中、有幸在台灣及世界各地結交的好朋友心中。
軒誠在人間的旅程已經乍然而止，而我們各自的旅程還未完待續。祝福您後續的旅程有信、有望、有愛同行。
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